Welcome to the fourth edition of Internet Fauna! In this edition, actually useful and friendly creatures.
Nostalgic: This irritable creature has eyes growing out of it's backside, and can only seen what it has already experienced. Unable to asses things in front of it, it responds aggressively to all new things, assuming them to be threats. It is right a surprising amount of the time, and are good guardians of Standard users from shoddy re-makes, scams and thieves.
Hipster: This creature's famously foul disposition stems not from a hatred of all other creatures, but from it's peculiar mating habits. Like the Bower Birds of Papua New Guinea, Hipsters of both genders collect hoards with which to impress potential mates. Unlike the Birds, which must only collect objects of a certain color, a hipster must gather things which no other member of it's species has seen before. Consequently, when a standard user stumbles in to a Hipster's Hoard, that user is Cock-blocking them.
It is easy to befriend a Hipster though- never ask it what it currently has, but bring it strange things to potentially add to it's hoard. In time it will realize you are a potential asset to it's collecting, and will gladly share old hoards full of wondrous treasures with you.
Galloping 'Random': This speedy critter's call is unmistakeable: "PIE! donkeyninjapirateturtle! WoOoOoO!" and suchlike. As the Air-quotes in it's name indicate, it is not truly random- the critter joins hyperactivity and a Trochee Fixation ( [link]
) into a loud, long-distance play-call, inviting others to join in it's gallivanting. It even tries to play with creatures it does not know or that might be hostile- they're particularly noted for running into dens of trolls, but rarely with disastrous consequences- the creature is too light on it's feet and is gone again before most know what hit them. They are generally harmless, and rather fun to run with if you have the energy and agility.
Common Fan: These groups of standard users band together in huge numbers over a common interest for both protection and affection. Often multiple fan-groups will band together for safety (most Firelfy Fans belong to a larger sci-fi group like Star Wars, for instance). If a standard user has a problem with something- say, a broken car,- consulting a group of automotive fans may prove useful in fixing it. They are friendly creatures, and they will try to get you to join the herd, but a healthy fan will leave you alone if you decline. If they become aggressive or start showing wildly erratic behavior, the fan may have fan-rabies, and should be avoided at all costs. Fan-rabies spreads quickly among herds (it decimated the Sonic and Naruto Fan-herds) and can be dangerous to all denizens of the internet.
Camwhore: This is actually a rare example of internet Flora, as the camwhore is a plant that depends on the continuous light of attention to produce food. To attract attention it grows a pair of pseudo-sexual organs which gradually enlarge as the plant's needs for attention grow. The useful thing about them is that they attract the attention of internet perverts and keep their degredation in a limited space, and help preserve the overall quality of the Internets.
Go-to: This Little creature has seen the light, and actually understands how things work. Physics? No problem. Relationships? easy. The inner workings of political powerhouses? child's play. They tend to be generous in dispensing their wisdom when asked for it, and are often quickly overrun by thousands of questions and senseless requests. Consequently, they often share dens with Internet trolls, who benefit from the Go-To's knowledge while keeping the idiot masses out and giving it some peace.