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November 16, 2011
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Drawing in Public by Allison-beriyani Drawing in Public by Allison-beriyani
Adapted form a recent Journal: [link]

This is now my default answer to that most annoying of questions: "Are you an artist?"

You are watching me make art. Yes.

*perhaps they mean professionally, and I usually offer a fast commission, and they seem confused when I explain that I have a price range. OH WELL.*
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:iconwoohooligan:
:iconcritoons:

I think this piece works pretty well. It speaks for itself and visually I can tell what everything is. Facial expressions also do a good job of conveying the message while remaining simple. And although it's obvious that it was colored with markers, the colors are mostly pretty good.

Here are some things I think could be improved:

:bulletblue: Panels: It's not a huge issue, but it's one of those minor details that I think can mean the difference between a great first impression and a so-so first-impression. So personally I'd try and make the borders separate for each panel and consistently either the thick line or the thin line. Doesn't matter particularly which, as long as they're relatively the same weight around the edges.

:bulletblue: 1st panel color: Seems a little too dark. It might be less of an issue if it weren't for the fact that there are some edges around the lines where the bleed makes the coloring look a little messy (compared to the rest of the comic -- if you're going for a "messy style" that's a different story). It's most noticeable around the red "frustration mark" (?) over your head. That mark itself is another small problem for me as a reader because it's not entirely clear what it's supposed to be. I'm guessing it's supposed to be the mark used in Anime / Manga style works to express frustration, except that the shape and the placement don't look to me like what I'm used to. That's actually the only place in the whole strip where I felt like there was any confusion. Although it's not confusing, I think too that making the characters in the first panel slightly larger might make it easier to see the tablet and the pen. (Nice job on the skeleton btw.)

:bulletblue: Sound Effect: The hiss in the last panel I think could be bigger and a lighter color. I'd have gone with an outline and I might have put it in that lower right corner to give it more space. That way you could color it in with a lighter color to get more contrast. As it is right now, aside from the comments I made about the first panel, it's the only place in the strip where I feel there's a color problem because of that low contrast.

And here are a couple of ideas about different ways you might go with it... not necessarily critique per se, just my thoughts about style.

:bulletblue: I might have gone with a more overt punchline like showing an actual velociraptor tearing through the hands and face of the disguise.

:bulletblue: I think I might have gone with a 3-panel strip instead of 4 and shown both characters in the middle panel with your character turning her head and looking back at the woman. Closer in than the 1st shot, but too close to see the museum exhibit. You get to see both character's facial expressions side by side and personally I think that helps with the continuity of the conversation. But to do that I probably would have also reversed the first frame so that the exhibit is on the left and the woman is on the right, that way when you get to the middle panel, your word-balloons would be left-to-right without having to do some kind of gymnastics with the tails. Actually I think I might have gone with both characters in the last panel as well so I could get an extra reaction shot in there for the woman, whether that's a shocked expression or a confused or even a blank stare.

Thanks for sharing this with the group, Allison! :highfive:

When you have a free minute, post a critique for someone else. Thanks!
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:iconthanathan:
Thanathan Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
Your human costume is superb.
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:iconallison-beriyani:
Allison-beriyani Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thanks! It took me a long time to make, what with having to pour latex without the benefit of opposible thumbs.
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:iconvermillionfenrir:
VermillionFenrir Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
lol oh god,this is awesomeness! XDDD

All hail the raptor king! :iconheplz:
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:iconallison-beriyani:
Allison-beriyani Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
BOW BEFORE YOUR RAPTOR OVERLORD!!
Reply
:icongemriqueen:
GemriQueen Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
lol
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:iconallison-beriyani:
Allison-beriyani Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Join the velociraptor nation!
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:icongemriqueen:
GemriQueen Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ok
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:iconallison-beriyani:
Allison-beriyani Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Excellent! You will be mailed your Clever disguise shortly.
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:icongemriqueen:
GemriQueen Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awsome
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:iconmenollysagittaria:
MenollySagittaria Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
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