Douchebag of the year Award

4 min read

Deviation Actions

Allison-beriyani's avatar
Published:
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So, this happened a few nights ago.

I live out in a rural county and have to take a fairly windy, two-lane road to get into town. I am on said road at dusk, going five under because the deer like to play chicken with my van. A muscle car with a souped-up engine, flame decals and the license plate "WRK 4 FUN" comes roaring up behind me, going at least 20 over the limit. the road is made of blind curves so he cannot pass me. This infuriates him, so he flashes his brights, curses, gives me the finger, etc. I do not speed up, because hitting a deer might kill me. After about 60 seconds, he decides to pass me on the left, on a blind curve.

…and he hits the oncoming police car.

I slam on the brakes and get out to make sure everyone is okay. He hit the cruiser mostly on the side, so the driver's side engine, mirror and door are wasted but no-one is seriously hurt.

Douchebag gets out first, and starts cussing at me, the police officer, and life in general: "FUCKING FUCK FUCK, YOU FUCKED UP MY CAR YOU CUNT, FUCK BITCH I'LL FUCK YOU UP!"  This might be somewhat intimidating if Douchebag was not also a pale, pimply-faced teen with even less muscle than my scrawny frame has, dressed in all the latest swag. He starts pounding on the windshield of the cruiser as the cop gets out.

…and I nearly shit myself, because the Officer is Officer Betty who did security at my high school. Betty is a tae-kwon-do master, about six feet tall, and has a zero-tolerance policy for bad drivers.

"FUCK YOU BITCH, IMMA SUE YOU, IMMA FUCK YOU UP CUNT!" He screams at her.

Betty, with the of calm and grace of an ancient martial arts master, folds that kid over the hood and starts reading him his rights as she cuffs him and stuffs him into the back seat like he was made of paper.

"Oh (Gallus)! I didn't see you there! How have you been?" she smiled at me. Apparently, she remembered me from when I was tutoring the janitor in high school. So I gave her a witness statement and we caught up while we waited for the other cop to get there to take the kid in and give him a breathalyzer. Douchebag continues to scream at us from the backseat, and eventually shits himself.

The other cop gets there, and I start to leave as they pull him out.

"Hey, bitch!" He shouts at me.

Against my better judgement, I stop.

"You're hot! What's your number?"

It was about five minutes before I could stop laughing.



© 2013 - 2024 Allison-beriyani
Comments47
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TakkuNoTori's avatar
Ha ha ha wow
Amazing
I'm glad no one was hurt
But that was epic, a highlight in time XD